Sunshine Cathedral Blog

There is a marvelous Sufi tale of a fox that had somehow lost his hind legs. One day a man noticed the fox and felt sorry for him, but then he noticed a tigress approaching the fox. The tigress had game in her mouth. She ate what she wanted and then left the rest for the fox. The man was inspired at how Nature takes care of her children in such miraculous ways. And so, he decided that he would simply rest and trust that whatever he needed would come to him without any effort. Weeks later, emaciated and near death, the man was wondering why Nature had not provided for his needs as abundantly as She had for the fox. And then, deep within his soul, he heard the voice of Wisdom say, “Foolish man! You are suffering because you are following the wrong example. Instead of imitating the disabled fox, start imitating the mighty tigress.”

Our thoughts, attitudes, habits, and choices set in motion dynamic forces that return to us what we have generated. To reap abundance, we must sow generosity. To reap joy, we must sow goodwill. To reap success, we must sow honest effort. To reap tranquility, we must sow peace. By doing what we can for ourselves and helping those who can’t do as much, we are sowing the seeds of a good life that will produce an abundant harvest.  As Jesus said, “Give and it will be given to you! A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Luke 6.38).

Question: I am currently going through a divorce. Things haven’t been right in my marriage for a very long time and as such it has broken down beyond repair over many years. Marriage is obviously very important in the eyes of God, and I was wondering about how to ethically form new relationships now. I am from the UK where it can take up to 2 years to get divorced. Can I enter into a normal relationship during this time?

Answer: We sometimes attribute our cultural norms and national laws to a divine Source. In my view, marriage is a covenantal relationship… that covenant is between you and your spouse, and if you have both agreed to release each other from the covenant, then I would guess the marriage is in actuality over (regardless of how long it takes for the paperwork to reflect that). I wish you could repair your relationship, but if that isn’t possible, then I see no reason to avoid living your life as fully, joyously, and responsibly as your circumstances will allow. My hope is that you and your spouse will experience healing in the ways that you most need and that you both will find happiness again.

“Moses said, ‘Please send someone else to do it.’” Exodus 4.13

Question: I have two adult children that I raised with my partner. My daughter has no interest in church or any “religious” services, and my son is an atheist. My son surprises me most as there were many times in adolescence that only divine grace kept him alive! My son is a good parent with this one exception. I feel bad for what my children and grandchildren are missing. Any advice?

Answer: I share your appreciation for the religious community. I love the people I worship with every Sunday, and the bonds of friendship that are formed when people pray and play together. But of course, your adult children must make their own choices. What often happens is that people come to a point in their lives where they miss something positive that regular worship and service provided in their lives, and then they “come home” to religion. But remember, their sacred value doesn’t depend on church membership. They are loved by God just as they are loved by you, and that love is unconditional and everlasting. As you pray for your children to be happy, well, and fulfilled you can trust that the spirit of Love is guiding them in the paths that are right for them. God has a wonderful way of meeting people where they are, even if where “they” are isn’t quite where “we” are at the time. Remember, “wherever we are (including your children), God is, and all is well.”

“If you want to see the rainbow, you have to be willing to put up with a little rain.” Alexander Lockhart

When the bills are stacking up, or health starts to decline, or relationships become problematic, or the job seems unmanageable, or there is significant loss and the grief that accompanies it…those of us who are on a spiritual path sometimes feel as if we should navigate those troubled waters with grace and ease; and, if we have trouble being courageous, graceful, optimistic, and poised, then we feel guilty for not being more enlightened. Why didn’t we see how to avoid the difficulty? Why didn’t we handle the difficulty better once it did arrive? Why didn’t all our spiritual knowledge and wisdom come to our aid in our moment of need?

Life happens very quickly. Of course we will feel fatigued, confused, overwhelmed, or anxious sometimes. We know that quieting our minds and focusing on our breath, being totally in the NOW is one way to relieve our stress. And we know that positive affirmations can lift our spirits, as can movement such as brisk walking. Counseling, compassionate friends, prayer partners, self-help books, and spiritual directors can be helpful during these times as well. But whatever we are facing, let’s remember to not make ourselves feel worse by blaming or shaming ourselves for feeling badly to begin with! We may not know why things are challenging, but we can know that challenges can’t change the fact that we are persons of sacred value. The hard times won’t last forever, but our innate goodness will. It’s OK to reach out for help when life is hectic; just remember to not beat yourself up for needing the help. Be grateful there are people who can help, and be willing to lend a listening ear or a healing hug when someone else is in need down the road.

Sharing the Light is an Internet talk show where Reverends Durrell Watkins, Robert Griffin, and others discuss theological questions of interest to our community.

In this episode of Sharing the Light, Sunshine Cathedral’s Senior Pastor Durrell Watkins speaks with Director of Media and Justice Ministry Robert Griffin, Reverend Michal Diaz, and Reverend Nikki Bailey. We invite you to join us for an enlightening conversation on Sharing the Light.

Question: I am dating a non-Christian. I didn’t expect to fall in love with her, but I have. Now I’m concerned that our difference in religious outlook might become a problem. I grew up believing that Christians had the only true path to God. I don’t want to insult my girlfriend, but I feel like I should try to convert her too. What would you suggest?

Answer: Let’s consider the Golden Rule (treating others the way we would like to be treated). What if your girlfriend decided she needed to convert you to whatever her faith tradition is? Would you appreciate that? What if someone who claimed to love you had prejudged your entire faith experience as insufficient and tried to take it from you? You probably wouldn’t respond warmly to that.

Sometimes in our insecurity, we try to convince ourselves that we know all there is to know about the infinite, universal, eternal Principle of life (often referred to as “God”). We make ourselves feel better by pretending we are “in the club” and only people who agree with us can be in the club, too. This imaginary, exclusive club makes us feel “safe” or important or even superior to those who have different experiences and beliefs. We even find a proof-text or two from our scriptures (usually horribly out of context) to justify our “Christians are in and everyone else is out” attitudes. But the result is that those who don’t share our experience and views find us to be judgmental, unkind, arrogant, and sometimes even mean. Can that be the best way to honor the God that our tradition says is Love?

God, being omnipresent, is surely able to embrace us all. Our humanly constructed religions can help us feel and trust this closeness to the divine Reality, but the grace of God cannot be limited to our human understandings, scriptures, traditions, vocabularies, motives, or experiences. I would suggest that you continue being Christian because Christianity is the path that helped you believe in yourself and experience the goodness of God in your life; and allow your partner the joy of celebrating her tradition which has offered her the same gifts. And maybe, on occasion, you can even worship together… not as a way of changing the other, but as a way of sharing something important to someone you love.

Here’s a game I (inexplicably) like to play: The Hurt Feelings Game

Round 1 -
Someone hurts my feelings (it happens). But instead of shaking it off and enjoying the zillion wonderful things that are happening in my life, I obsess about that one tiny, silly, moment in time when someone forgot that my feelings were the most important things in the universe. Advance to Round 2.

Round 2 -
Now, I start to remember the 15 other times this person has hurt my feelings. This is the bonus round where I suddenly win a bunch-o-self-pity! Lucky me.

Round 3 -
I start to remember when other people have hurt my feelings. Oh, I’m on a roll now!

Round 4 -
I’m now telling myself how insignificant I am, what I loser I’ve become, and how dreary the world is. Gloom, doom, the sky is falling. There is nothing left to do but rent myself out as a speed bump.

Fifth and Final Round -
I’m wallowing in misery, so depressed I can barely function, all the while the Philistine who has stepped on my emotional toes (in all likelihood unintentionally) is going merrily on with his or her life. Game over. I lose.  Wasn’t that fun? Shall we play again?

Then I remember… my happiness doesn’t exist outside of myself, and if I ever pretend that it does, I’m bound to end up playing this %*&# losing game. I can desire anything, but when I become attached to my desire, I’ve invited disappointment into my life (and disappointment is an excellent guest, never refusing an invitation!).

So someone didn’t notice I lost half an ounce this week? So a friend didn’t send me a card for Asparagus month? So someone I once cared deeply for and I have drifted apart and might never be close again? So someone thinks Rev. Hellfire has better theology than my hero, Rev. Godzluv? So someone really likes a political candidate that I’m sure has an allergy to sunlight and holy water? So someone doesn’t think I’m a good dancer or a good cook or a good Jacks player (they are wrong, by the way! I was the first grade Jacks champion… my Dad was so proud!)?  Is any of that so important in the grand scheme of things?

The point is, if someone has been intentionally unkind or unfair, I can confront them or even choose to end my association with them. But what I shouldn’t do is dwell on the past and choose to be miserable over something I can’t change. While I’m playing the Hurt Feelings Game, I’m missing wonderful opportunities to enjoy life now. Maybe you’re like me and could benefit from releasing the past to the past (and yes, breakfast is already the past!), refusing to play the unwinnable Hurt Feelings Game, and starting to enjoy all the blessings that are here for us right now.

Sharing the Light is an Internet talk show where Reverends Durrell Watkins, Robert Griffin, and others discuss theological questions of interest to our community.

In this episode of Sharing the Light, Sunshine Cathedral’s Senior Pastor Durrell Watkins speaks with Director of Media and Justice Ministry Robert Griffin, Reverend Michal Diaz, and Reverend Nikki Bailey. We invite you to join us for an enlightening conversation on Sharing the Light.